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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28881996">somewhere only we know</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyperandrogenism/pseuds/hyperandrogenism'>hyperandrogenism</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(mentioned briefly a couple times i just wanna warn for it), Amica Endurae, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Queerplatonic Relationships, Suicidal Thoughts, The Transformers: Sins of the Wreckers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:01:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,032</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28881996</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyperandrogenism/pseuds/hyperandrogenism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They’re watching a movie together, curled together and intertwined on their shared berth and propped up against the wall, when Roadbuster sighs, pauses the movie, and says <i>it</i>.</p><p>"We should retire."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Impactor/Roadbuster, Roadbuster/Impactor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>somewhere only we know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so basically roadbuster and impactor are amica/queerplatonics, they have been since way before pova. roadbuster is aroace and impactor is aro. theyre not romantic partners but theyre life partners.</p><p>yes i know their comms wouldnt work in the noisemaze but also i dont care i need the angst lmao</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4vP1NsqUNJbCn4nB4uexYu">short playlist for this</a></p><p>edit: i just realized how fucking badly this contradicts canon... oops i dont care lol</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They’re watching a movie together, curled together and intertwined on their shared berth and propped up against the wall, when Roadbuster sighs, pauses the movie, and says <em> it </em>.</p><p>"We should retire."</p><p>Impactor stiffens. Roadbuster's said it before, not long before Pova, when it was made clear that Springer was going to be the next leader. Roadbuster had begged Impactor, nearly on his knees, to leave with him and at the very least join Optimus, to do something safer than the Wreckers.</p><p>Impactor had refused. Just like he will this time, and every time after that.</p><p>"I'm not leaving." Impactor's tone implies finality. This isn't a discussion.</p><p>Roadbuster pushes on. "You're<em> old </em>, you're older than me. You're the longest running Wrecker. We both know you're pushing your luck and you have been for years."</p><p>"I <em> can't </em> leave <em> , </em> " Impactor almost snaps. He leans his helm back against the wall and sighs. "You know I can't. If I'm not a Wrecker, what am I? I'm not leaving until I'm dead or the Wreckers are done for. And I'm not <em> that </em> old. Same age as Megatron and Optimus."</p><p>"And Megatron is a pacifist again and Optimus <em> is </em>retired," Roadbuster says. His voice is the same flavor of exhausted that it always is when this comes up.</p><p>"That doesn't mean anything!" Impactor's voice is raising and Roadbuster flinches a little. Impactor's spark wavers at the pained feedback, but he stays strong. "They're not Wreckers. They're not <em> like us </em>." He snorts. "You leave if you want to, but I'm seeing this through to the end, and I don't care what that end is."</p><p>Roadbuster doesn't speak for a long minute, and even as tight as he draws his field and bond Impactor can still feel the strut-deep sadness there. "You know I won't leave you," Roadbuster says softly, "Those twenty years were some of the worst of my life, and knowing what was happening to you…" He trails off. Impactor doesn't need him to finish his sentence; it'd be something like "<em> it tore me up </em> " or " <em> I was so scared </em> ", but he'd really want to say " <em> I wanted to die </em>."</p><p>Their bond had made it so Roadbuster knew some of what was going on at Garrus 9. With the distance between them it had been faint, but Roadbuster had felt Impactor’s terror and pain and hopelessness, and Impactor had felt Roadbuster’s panic and despair at not being able to do anything. Impactor understood more than Twin Twist and Topspin could ever have known the urge to <em> make it stop </em>, out of mercy for both halves of their whole.</p><p>With the first flashback of <em> ripping tearing cutting screaming dying </em> since they were together again Impactor had begged to break the bond the same way Roadbuster had begged him to leave. He couldn’t bear to put Roadbuster through every memory and emotion and moment of hell like it was his own now that they were together. Roadbuster had refused, of course. They’d stay together until the end. That was their vow to each other, made so many years ago but still so fresh in their sparks.</p><p>Remembering that makes Impactor feel every ache and pain in his frame. He leans farther into Roadbuster and presses their legs together, letting Roadbuster squeeze his shoulders.</p><p>“Fine. I’ll think about it,” Impactor relents, voice soft again. He grabs the remote to play the movie again and Roadbuster sighs.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It's not even a week later that Impactor sits under the stars in the deep snow. It’s a beautiful night, the moon is so bright it reflects off of his plating and the ribbons of the aurora borealis are just starting to show, but he stares down at his servo and harpoon with blank optics.</p><p>He'd run as soon as he could, away from Springer and Kup and Arcee and Verity and <em> Prowl. </em> Couldn't bear to be around any of them any longer. Couldn't bear to hold it in any longer.</p><p>Tears track down his face, freezing into icicles off of his chin like an old man’s beard. He doesn't make a sound or move a single strut. He hasn't cried over someone in millennia, probably longer. Mecha died, Wreckers died, that was how it went. Crying wouldn't do anything about it except make his helm hurt. But Roadbuster wasn't anywhere near some new recruit Impactor could barely name, or a civilian, or even just a friend.</p><p>Roadbuster was the only Wrecker left from the real glory days. The only one who understood what it was like to have your mind betray you and still be coherent enough to talk about it. The only one Impactor had shared anything about Garrus 9 with. The only one who <em> knew </em>.</p><p>He’d felt the wrenching of Roadbuster’s spark extinguishing, the absolute horror and agony Roadbuster had felt, for only a moment before it was <em> over </em> . There’d been a single text comm., sent seconds before that; <em> I’m sorry. I love you. Remember me. </em> And then Roadbuster’s comm. line had gone dead before Impactor could send a terrified plea to <em> hold on, please, don't go, I can’t do this without you </em>.</p><p>Having to dismiss the notification and continue on with the mission was the hardest thing Impactor's ever done by so, so far. Even shooting a hole through Springer while he begged for Impactor to do anything but that wasn’t as hard as having to <em> keep going </em>with a near-literal chunk carved out of his spark.</p><p>Impactor keeps that text pulled up on his HUD and has since he left the Noisemaze. He desperately wishes he'd gone back, at least for Roadbuster's body. Even with the <em> Debris </em> destroyed, he could've done <em> something </em>to put him to rest more peacefully than his cold, lonely, mangled frame being torn apart with the collapse of the Noisemaze.</p><p>But it's too late now, the Noisemaze was barely stable enough for Springer and Prowl to get out. There's no way Impactor could even get back in, much less get out. All Impactor has is his text that he reads over and over, the draft line still blinking with a jumble of words that he wishes he’d said so much sooner that will never be read.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>harass me on tumblr <a href="https://first-and-always.tumblr.com/">@first-and-always</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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